As much as I would like to admit that I understand, know, and that I have arrived— I realize that I am still lost as to how humble one can become to match Christ Love. If you are like me, you probably find yourself happy and then disappointed. It's the common ebb and flow called life; especially if you have tendencies to be tripping, blessing yo-self, and making a way when God is taken too long. Some can relate to my previous phrase, while others dabble within their level of confidence — to the latter individual I say keep on living cousin...:
Now you are invited to come on a journey with me as I explore a truth that can assist an appreciation for the longing to become selfless, while accepting you will never reach this goal—yet it is better to die trying then not to try at all.
How many of you recall the idea, "I would rather believe in Christ and die to only discover that there is no heaven and hell, then to die only to discover that there is, but I have done nothing to prepare? Exactly.
1 Corinthians 15:9 NIV
"For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God."
After reading a passage like that I can easily conclude that Paul finally arrived, but in actuality the Apostle just begun. This reminds me of my first mission trip to Africa. I over packed clothes, brought along food, and would you believe packed water like no one's business. I had camcorders, cameras, and even favorite nonperishable snacks. During a layover in Europe I so wanted to check on my goodies as they were somewhat of my international security called "Comfort Zone." Little did I know that all of these luxuries were not helpful; instead to my surprise concealed ignorance about missions served as a hindrance.
Understand that a chefs last meal that he/she prepared, will not taste as poor as the first meal prepared by junior culinary skills. Hopefully, you are learning each time you encounter a task that "better" is calling out to you— except, you and I often settled for OUR "perfection" trapped in our own minds.
A few years matured in Missions I can say now I would travel with NO water, NO food, and very little clothing; after all I am there to serve and not to be served. When I switch from one aircraft to another, I have my entire luggage with me as I don't check in any bags if possible. This prevents me from having lost or stolen items, which could potentially frustrate the grace to serve.
Apostle Paul dared to grow as we find that he considered himself the least of 12, but as he increased in the knowledge of God he also increased in the knowledge of man finding himself not meeting the mark.
Ephesians 3:8 NIV
"Although I am less than the least of all God's people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ,.."
Years after Apostle Paul made his statement about being the least of the Apostles, he managed to get lower. The above Ephesians quote from Paul denotes that although he found humility in expression to the Corinthians, by the time he reached those in Ephesus he was still digging to become a better slave of the Lord.
Yeah I am an ordained-licensed-minister —but still not there yet. I am also a believer who will and has traveled the globe for Jesus Christ —so, now what? I work for a trade association who diligently provide human services for those with mental illnesses and addictions —I am still not humble enough. I don't profit from my music career of CD's or videos —but standing beside Gods grace I am still not selfless enough. When it's all said and done the goal is transparency; we wait for the day that we can say earnestly "not I but the Christ that lives in me."
Yes I still get angry. Still have to deny my flesh; at times I don't want to even trust God. Although, I have come a long way… wait, stop right there. This is the key to winning. Once you have momentum to achieve you will continue to add victories to your life on the road to selflessness. This is why we persevere and find joy in the ebb and flow of our self inflicted thoughtlessness coupled with madd selfishness.
As believers we count, but I say we shouldn't. The scripture says if the Lord marks our transgression, who could stand? What is the point of counting when it means nothing in the end? Jesus explains to his disciples to forgive 70 times 70 in a day when one offends us. Why? Jesus was introducing the idea of selflessness and hopefully confuses our wisdom enough that we no longer try to impress Him with acts.
Do you recall the parable of those who worked all day being frustrated about getting the same pay as those who arrived one hour prior to quitting time? Matthew 20:8-10 tells of this parable to help us understand that our mathematics are not aligned with God's grace. We simply can't comprehend the height, depth, breath, and substantial love the god has for us who believe and those of us who are yet to believe!
How often are we forgiven? No really how often do we repent; how often should we repent? You are correct if you say we are forgiven each time we ask for forgiveness. So why do we hold grudges? And why do we insist that our pain is greater than those hands that were pierced with industrial size nails that we used to hold in place the railroad tracks?
I use the Metro to travel to and from work you all and without fail each time I am on the plateform waiting for the train I always find myself looking at the nails which holds the tracks in place. These nails are larg and the thought of breaking through my hand both look and imaginbly feel so painful. I can't stand on the platform without thinking of how did his hands become so strong to hold the nails, because the nails could not hold him. When I think about what those hands had gone through so that I could lift mine in worship to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords!
It's not fair, but it works in our favor! We should be persecuted, but God sent His son instead. We ought to be led before the slaughter as guilty; instead Jesus did that for us. We have no real reason to turn away from God, yet with His love He attracts us back to Himself.
1 Timothy 1:15 NIV
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst."
Now Paul is near death and his ministry is about to come to its close. His words still ring in my ears as if I was there. It's easy to breeze by such powerful voice if we are not listening for utterance from God. I can't believe how this man Paul found his way to nothingness. I contend that it would be both proper and logical to infer that if Paul did not soon die, he would have discovered more reasons to decrease.
Don't be discouraged as you look in retrospect. Take joy in the fact that you can get low. Take joy knowing that although it seems like you are already to the ground; I promise it's more because of a beat-down rather than a fall-down.
I encourage you to worship Him as you read these last lines. Summons your heart to His righteous court and demand of your life, how low are you prepared to go? Christ gave up His Glory, lived in this hostile environment for 33 years— which is a long time when you are away from home, went to the cross, then to the grave, to hell, back to earth, and now sits at the right hand of God- waiting for you and me to die that He may live!
With love,
Darrin Carter
